Somewhere in the 2nd Trimester

That is what it feels like to me right now...  about the middle of the second trimester. 

The roller coaster continues - just like pregnancy. :)  For me, the first part of the adoption (the Dossier phase) has been much akin to the first trimester of pregnancy.  Full of emotion - anxiety, questions, excitement...  Unlike my pregnancies I THANKFULLY have not experience the continual sickness.  I also did not lose weight like I did in my pregnancies - lol...nope...gaining just like a normal pregnancy. :) 

I say "somewhere in the second trimester" because now we are just waiting.  I don't know if you had this feeling, but I couldn't wait for the first trimester to be over.  I wanted to be through the sickness, through the worries of those critical first 12 weeks.  Wanted to rush through it (just as I have worked very hard to get all paperwork done as quickly as possible for the dossier).  Rush rush to get to this part...the waiting....  For me the second trimester of pregnancy was the time of feeling a little better, resting and looking forward to being in the third trimester. :) 

We are here....waiting for the 797 to come in the mail.  Waiting to send our dossier to China.  Waiting to be matched with our child.  So that we can get to what I anticipate to be like the third trimsester - the LOA and travel phase of adoption.  During my third trimester, the weeks couldn't go by quick enough.  I just wanted to hold my chlidren, to see them, to sing to them, to love them.  The same emotions I've seen some of my friends go through as they prepare to travel to bring home their children.

Not there yet, but looking forward to it nonetheless.   :)  Meanwhile...just resting as we can do nothing more while waiting for the 797.   Yep....somewhere in the 2nd Trimester. :) 

Home Study Completed!!

So many have asked how the adoption is going.  Well, we are still in the early stages but have finally completed our home study (birth, marriage certificate, background checks, visits with social worker, lots of notarized papers...)!  I have added a timeline on the sidebar so that you can follow along. :)

We are now waiting for authorization to be fingerprinted and then receive a 797 which is part of the immigration process on the US side.  Meanwhile all of our other paperwork is getting certified and authenticated (that means they check the notary and check the notaries check). After this we will be able to send our dossier to China (DTC) and get a log in date (LID)!  Woohoo!

When will we be matched?  Great question!!  We could be matched before we get a LID or after.  We just keep praying for God to protect our child.  We know God is in control and has power over everything!  He is A-M-A-Z-ing. :) 

Will keep you updated as our adoptoin journey continues!

He is HOME!!

So, in case you were wondering where I was....I've been enjoying my dear hubby as he is now HOME!!

Our kids are so so happy :)

Ian wouldn't even let go of Brian while fast asleep - making sure he didn't get away again...

We have enjoyed his two weeks off with trips to Disney, pool and movie time.  It has been great!

They have Highland Games right now at Epcot (preparing for new movie - Brave)- we had so much fun!  How cool that when I turned the wheel to find out what family I would represent I got Macintosh (my maiden name is McIntosh)!  :)  Proud of our Scottish heritage! :)

We are sad this week he returned to work, but his arrival home each night brings bright smiles to us all. :)



More on adoption news next time. :)

Mother's Day, Mommy Wars and the Motherless

Hope it was a JOYFUL Mother's Day for you!

Isn't it nice to have a day to be celebrated? :)  A day to get extra hugs and kisses, sweet cards and gifts made by our precious children. Beautiful flowers from hubby and kids (yes, he ordered some all the way from Afghanistan).  It is a nice day to think about the joys of motherhood.  

There are many joys - thinking of their precious 'firsts', hearing their laughter, seeing them smile, hearing them sing praises to our amazing God...  

Sometimes the joy of motherhood is more like that James talks about in James 1:2-4 - 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Day in and out God is refining me as a mother through these.. trials...   Do you ever have those days or weeks when your precious children make one poor choice after another, when the defiance seems worse each day?  

I know God is teaching me amazing things through motherhood - it is not easy, not a cake walk, and there are no instruction manuals...  But WOW - what a gift - what a life changing gift.  All good and perfect gifts are from above. James 1:17 

This weekend was full of those ups and downs and refinements and lessons for us.  Saturday morning started with us all getting up on the wrong side of the bed... but the day did get better. :)

We went to my favorite place for Southern cook'n - "Fred's" (love it as it reminds me of my 'Ole KY Home).

Here are some sweeter moments of the day.

Waiting to be seated

Kiss for the lil' bro

Next we went blueberry picking which was fun and yummy!

Ended our day with the community pool. :)

Apparently I was bit by what they think was a spider while picking blueberries.  Unfortunately, the doctor thinks the pool water caused an infection and I now have a nice cellulitis on my left arm.  Lesson learned - if you get bit by anything - don't go swimming!  

The good news - urgent care was not very busy on Mother's Day!  :)  Thanks to dear friends I had some much needed rest time without the kids for a couple hours while going to urgent care, getting antibiotics,pain pills and sleeping.. :)  

Perseverance until lacking nothing.  Wow- not there yet, but God does provide me all I need... 
I, however, often lack trust in Him and try to take matters into my own hands.  Which often leads to the feeling that I am failing, questioning if anything I say sinks into my kids brains...  

I often fall prey to the "Mommy Wars" as they are being called...  You know the breastfeeding vs. not; homeschooling vs. not; vaccinating vs not; spanking vs not; working vs staying at home; "real children" vs. "not" (yes people say that)....  We are passionate about our beliefs and like to share them.  Unfortunately, there is oftentimes some mom who is feeling she is doing it all wrong because of these "wars".... 


What the "mommy wars" really are seems to be a spiritual battle to me.  There are sooo many things Satan uses to make us feel inadequate, to make us question our being and ability to be a mother. Get Behind Me Satan!  My God is bigger, my God is stronger.... What a blessing to be a mommy - to do what you feel God has called YOU to do!  To be refined by Him daily.  No other job has brought me to my knees more and required that I stay focused on Him, His word, His love, His grace. 


Sometimes I think Satan uses all these "wars" to keep us preoccupied with ourself, our issues, our pains, our shortcomings.  Instead of allowing us to think of and pray for ALL the MANY MANY children who don't have a Mommy at all!  They've never celebrated Mother's Day because they have no one to celebrate.  They have no one to tuck them in, to give them hugs and kisses, to pray with them.  No one to give them security, no one to kiss their boo boos, or cheer them on in life, no one who says, "I love you."  


I am so thankful for being a mommy.  I am thankful for my two precious children.  Thankful for the trials...well, not always, but  I will have joy in all that the day brings...  I don't always handle it perfectly and do have to apologize to my kids for my not handling things as I should (when I try to be Lord of my life instead of allowing Him to be).  It is a great example of why we all need His grace and His mercy.  

Meanwhile, I pray for the motherless and have that longing to hold my new child just like the longing I had to see and hold Aili and Ian when they were growing inside of me.  I would LOVE to be able to love each child who has never known love.  Obviously, I can't do that.  I will start by loving the ones God has given me and however more He decides to give me through adoption while praying that more families will be called to this journey and  "Be Brave."  

  

How much does adoption cost?

Each country is different as to the cost of adoption, ranging from free (foster care adoption in the US) to more than $45,000 for some countries.  Adoption from China will cost between $25,000-30,000 (including travel). 

There are 147 million orphans in our world, only around 30,000 are adopted each year.  So, why should it cost so much money?  No idea...  Some of it goes to pay people who are working on your behalf (social workers, adoption agency, immigration office, etc), some is an orphanage fee (although, not sure how much of that the orphanage gets), some is for travel...    

Thankfully, we don't have to come up with it all at once.

Just so you know, this post has been hard to write, it has taken me weeks to complete. People, including myself, have very strong views on money and fundraising.  I quit being a brownie because of those girl scout cookies!  Love eating them though.  :)  It is not my character or my heart to ask for money or do fundraisers.  However, my hubby is deployed right now which makes the logistics of working difficult.  So, I have done fundraisers, yard sales, tightened our spending even more....  While still praying for God to give me a clear picture of His will for this process and the money involved.  God amazes me at answering those prayers!!  If you believe you will receive whatever you ask in prayer. Matt 21:22

I prayed daily for God to give me an answer regarding the money - how we'd come up with it, if this was His timing...  He said - "Trust Me, I know the plans I have for you (Jeremiah 29:11), every day of your life was written before they came to be (Psalm 139:16)."  Not audibly, but wow - He couldn't have been more clear!  How did He say it? Through His Word and by providing a:

• tax refund that will pay (when we get it) for the first payment we made to the agency
• funds from a bake sale and referral check (received on same day as bake sale) from a fencing company that paid for our next payment

This last one is too amazing to put as a bullet.  

I prayed regarding whether God wanted me to work and if so how.  I didn't want to drive an hour to get to work; shorter day shift hours preferred so I can get the kids before daycares and after school closed; I can't work too many days each week as the children need me while Brian is away and I would prefer temporary as we get through this process and prepare for Brian's return....  Yes, I know... sounds very unrealistic. :)  

Well, God answers prayer and can do the unrealistic- just in case you were ever in doubt!  I got a call Monday from a company I had previously quit who offered me a job that I didn't apply for doing something I enjoy that is only 3 hours each day, 3 days a week, for 6 weeks FROM HOME!  Yes, God is AWESOME!!!  He is so A-M-A-Z-ING and I LOVE Him and am so thankful for His provision!  Does God want us right here in this adoption, right now - ABSOLUTELY!   

While fundraising is not my favorite thing to do (especially on my behalf) we had what turned out to be a very fun fundraiser last weekend for the families adopting from our church (5 families, 7 children, 3 countries). :)  It was a scrap booking/crafting party.  Wow- I had never seen anything like this!  These women were so creative and so focused on their books!  They even inspired me to do an online digital photo book from Walgreens - woohoo - one year down - lots more to go!!  We raised over $1400 that was split between the five families :)  It was a long day (9am-9pm), but so much fun that folks have asked if we can have another!

Let me introduce you to the Adopting Mamas at our church.

The ladies holding the pictures have been matched with their children and are anxiously awaiting notification to travel to them.  Starting on the left - Melissa is adopting a beautiful daughter from China, I am still in paper chase,  Sara is adopting two precious sons from Russia, Debbie is adopting two beautiful daughters from China, Billie is waiting to be matched with a precious son from our foster care system here. :)  If you look REAL close you can see some of the adorable faces. :)  I am so thankful for these ladies and the journey we are walking on together.

I have a challenge for you.  If you have experienced prenatal care and labor and delivery - look back and see if you can find out how much your doctor visits cost and how much the hospital bills were when you had your children.  What it would've cost without insurance.  Looking at your child now - would you have paid those bills (the total without insurance) for the wonderful gift of life and love your children bring?  My answer - yes, absolutely!

On the other side of the tedious paper work and the costs for the adoption is a beautiful child who wants and needs a Daddy and Mama, a gift of life and love...

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  James 1:27

There are many ways to be obedient to this - adopting, praying for orphans and for the families who are adopting and for more families to follow God's call, supporting those who are adopting or sponsoring an orphan, or visiting or caring for widows...  God has called our family to follow this by adopting.  How is God calling you? 

Why Special Needs? Why a Heart Baby?

"Special Needs" in China means some very different things than we think of as "Special Needs" here.  It could mean anything from an extra finger or toe, a heart murmur, to cleft lip/palate or congenital heart defect or down syndrome or cerebral palsy...  It could just mean they are healthy but not a baby - an "older child"...the list is endless.  

It currently is taking 6+ years to adopt a healthy baby from China.  Why?  In 2007 China made a new law stating that the people of China could still only have one child, but they could adopt one child.  THEY DID adopt in the thousands and still are.  They of course are adopting the "healthy children." Still leaving THOUSANDS of children with mostly correctible or manageable needs waiting for a family. 

Why specifically a "heart baby" (a child with a congenital heart defect)?  Well, once we realized through prayer that God was leading us to love a child who was waiting for a family, we looked at the LONG list of options for "special needs."  

That was hard.  When we were pregnant with Aili and Ian we were not given a list from God asking, "Will you be willing to take a child with a cleft lip or a deformity or ...a heart condition..."  We didn't get to choose those things.  What would we have checked - NOTHING!  No one wants to go into a pregnancy thinking that their child will be sick, need surgeries, medication, countless doctor visits...    It is hard... SO HARD... to go through this list.  

We researched various medical concerns listed.  The more we read, the more we prayed. We both felt independently that conditions related to the heart is where our family was most comfortable.  Why?  

Well, God didn't ask us if we'd accept the responsibility but he blessed us with two amazing children that we love more than we could've imagined who BOTH have a genetic heart 'defect'.  We have to see a cardiologist every six months, with traffic drive an hour each way, appointments last at least three hours each time.  The kids have to wear a 24 hour halter monitor every six months, they can't play competitive sports, they can't do water sports or activities (besides leisure swimming), we can't even have an alarm clock that beeps too loud because that may cause them to have a cardiac arrest....  We have our own AED in our home....  Aili and Ian would be considered "Special Needs" in China...  

We already have two heart babies. We already have visits every six months with a fantastic congenital heart defect practice here....

I came to realize - Maybe God allowed me to be a pharmacist with a specialty in cardiology to prepare me for this.  Maybe God allowed us to have special children with a special diagnosis for this. Maybe God placed us in Tampa alongside a military family who adopted a "terminal" heart child for this.  Maybe God showed me Kelly to give me a desire to love another child like this. Maybe...

...BUT heart surgery is different - that is HUGE!

Yes, it is.  The Air force wife who has the "terminal heart child" (who is not terminal but very much full of life after his surgery) told me - "Be Brave.  We can bring these children home and they can have a life saving surgery that they would not get in China.  Be Brave."  

I kept pondering..."Be Brave..."

My kids' cardiologist is awesome.  He is also brutally honest.  He is so excited we are adopting a heart baby.  He grabbed his nurse this week and another physician explaining how important it was that when we get a referral for the child, that we get an answer that day from him.  He said if he were in surgery she was to page the other doctor so that he could review the child's file ASAP.  See, when we do get a referral we only have 72 hours to review their file before making a decision.  He also already started planning the logistics of doing surgery, who would do it, when they'd do it, options for where they'd do it...

He says, "When talking about a younger child - ASD, VSD, PDA - we can fix, they will live a normal life. TOF, truncus arteriosis - we can fix, may need another surgery later, but we can fix.  Even single ventricle patients often have a very good life..." 

....yes, he really talks like that...

  

We can fix these conditions here.  What I read about some of these heart defects, they sound so scary; of course so does our heart defect.  Yet, he was so calm and collective when discussing them, very matter of fact.  This is an everyday thing for him.  He fixes little hearts - so the children can live...  

Reminds me again of how God adopts new children daily into His family...  How He fixes our hearts - making us new and able to live life more abundantly...

We feel God brought us to this place.  He has blessed us with experiences and resources, given us peace that this is the direction we are to go.   Will it be easy? Probably not, nothing wonderful ever is!

"Be Strong and Courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you.  He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deut 31:6

...Be Brave!  :)

Most common question people ask me - Why China?

Honestly,  it took lots of researching and praying.  Neither of us had ever though we'd adopt from China.

I asked so many people the same question as we tried to glean from other friends' journeys.  The things we both felt strongly is that we wanted a child who was younger than Ian as we'd like to keep our birth order.  We also knew this is probably the only base we will be at longer than two years.  We wouldn't want to be faced with a move during or right after bringing home our child.  So, the time required for the process was important.

When the door for Korean adoption was shut for us, we started exploring all the options including domestic.  Once we decided we didn't feel infant nor foster adoption was the choice for us we started looking at international again.    The Department of State was a starting place for us to learn about the international options (http://adoption.state.gov).  Lots of great info here.  

I started looking at waiting children on lists such as www.rainbowkids.com. This is where I first saw "Kelly's" picture.  That is also where God started reminding me of my heart for Asia.  Brian and I both share that heart.  So that helped narrow considerably.

We started looking at agencies to see which ones served in which countries and got many information packets.  We looked seriously into Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan and Azerbaijan, but two of these are currently closed for adoption and the other is new and could take up to 3 years to bring the child home. Philippines, Mongolia and Thailand take years for a younger child.  Vietnam is closed currently.....  We looked into Hong Kong and Taiwan, but the special needs there were less commonly heart defects which is what we feel led to.

As you can see the list of Asian countries quickly narrowed to....China!

I am thankful God gives each of us a passion for  different countries, different children, different needs.  There are orphans everywhere.... 
Some countries still do not allow adoption, but so many still do!!
The need is overwhelming for families to open their hearts to these children.
 I want to rescue them all....
but I can't....
We are starting with one.

Why China?  The quick and truthful answer is - God led us to China.
Sure we did our research, but He put the desire in our heart.
Yes, lots of people adopt from China in the US....
There are still LOTS of children who need families there and elsewhere.


On a final note - a friend posted this on facebook and I had to share:

"Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names.  
They are easier to ignore before you see their faces.  
Its easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms.  
But once you do, everything changes."


David Platt ("Radical")

So so true... that is what happened to us 13 years ago in Korea...

On my sidebar there are some buttons to websites where you can see some of these precious children.  You can click on the buttons and see their sweet faces....
Don't be surprised if their faces put you on your knees in prayer for God to send a family...
... or even your family.  :)

Deidra :)




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